Lost In The Dark

Two things....

2006-07-15T13:15:56Z

Thing 1

PAY ATTENTION!!

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My brand, spanking NEW journal can be found here: ghulah, so....

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Thing 2

DO YOU LIVE IN OR NEARBY BRIGHTON?

The Engine Rooms

Thursday 27 July 2006

Come get some...

CARPET

http://www.myspace.com/biffthetramp

PAY ATTENTION!!

2006-07-13T09:26:30Z

PAY ATTENTION!!

This journal is going away soon.....

My brand, spanking NEW journal can be found here: ghulah, so....

ADD ME!!

Thank you very much indeedy :)

Better Now

2006-07-05T18:07:08Z

Ahhh, brilliant. The storm has cleared my mind and the big thing is actually a lot tinier than I thought at first. I'm nice and relaxed and looking on the sunny side.

Hope all your weekends are fine... I'm off to Mothers! :)

Attack of the Living Dead Jen!

2006-07-03T10:19:41Z

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Kill me…..

Kill…. Me…….

I’ve had the grand total of one hour of unbroken sleep.

My boss told me I look like a Romero zombie this morning….. which was cool…..

But it was worth it…

CARPET WON BATTLE OF THE BANDS!

Of COURSE they did, how could they not have?

But let me take you back a teensy bit further than that…

Friday night…… Me + Amyfuss + Yoga ball + ‘Signed by the Box’ and a two hour long special on Queen on VH1 + copious amounts of alcohol = hilarity and muscle strain. Damn that was funny girlfriend!

Saturday – Superman Returns (courtesy of that Market which is Black)… fantastic. Feels like a ‘proper’ Superman movie, very much in the cinematic style we’ve become accustomed to with this particular Superhero. The Christ metaphor was a tad overdone for my tastes and Parker fucking Posey needs some emoting lessons (Lois Lane = a hard arsed, streetwise New Yorker – sorry, Metropole.. Metropolian…. or is that Metropolitan? – journalist bitch with a serious, refuse-all-others crush on Super-Guy. NOT a rejected Sex and the City single mother who shacked up with the first guy who came her way and got up the duff…… which is another bone of contention, but I don’t want to spoil anything too much… mehehehe. BUT, I did thoroughly enjoy it, and the effects were superb. Funny thing really, hearing the audience laugh and cheer along with the film added to it’s joy. ALSO indulged in the FABULOUS Nacho Libre with Jack Black – I won’t spoil it, just watch it….. then Doctor Who – WOW! Daleks AND fucking CYBERMEN?!?!?! What crazy, mixed up world is this? And how ‘Wolfram & Heart’ is Torchwood?

Last one on Saturday guys – tweep!

Oh yeah… how funny was Portugal beating England? Top of the lungs I was – ‘COME ON PORTUGAL!!’ A million nylon flags strapped to your Skoda didn’t do shit, did it, retard? And being Welsh, having to look at those things every day inflamed my patriotic pride (not as much as it did the Scots though!) England ain’t won it in 40 years; maybe they should try their hands at something else, like fucking off…..

Sunday – SLEEP. Then cheese on toast. Then shower. Then….

CLICK THE BLUE WORDS TO READ THE REVIEW!!!

Ah, The Imperial, Colwyn Bay. Former shithole, now slightly tarted-up shithole, has played host over the past few months to a rather interesting Battle of the Bands competition run by the terribly monikered Twisted Sisters promotions.

Interesting, because it’s showcased a plethora of local talent with a myriad of styles under the all-encompassing umbrella genre of ROCK! We’ve seen hair metal, we’ve endured pop-punk, we’ve mocked emo, we’ve been sarcastic to sad little indie wannabes trying desperately to be the next Libertines, but all the way through one band shone out above the rest. A room full of every single family member you can muster to vote for your little band can’t withstand the unstoppable force and sheer talent of your soon to be new favourite band…. Carpet.

You join me at the final. It’s Sunday, 2 July and it’s hot. Horrifically hot, the kind of heat that gives you lizard skin and your eyeshadow crawls down your face on sweat ladders. No-one has a hairstyle anymore; it’s so hot it’s melting the gel right out of the emo’s fringes. And it’s humid too, sticking your clothes to your skin. Tonight, we have four bands – The Upstarts (oh golly gee, wonder what THEY sound like….), Lantern (local favourites… amongst their friends), Inferno (OK bar-room rock and roll) and Carpet (joygasm!). Each band has a 45 minute set. Votes are cast by the audience with a scoring system out of ten and comments and final decision by an esteemed (well, around here anyways!) panel of musical type judges. I’m there with such sexy company I’m dribbling just thinking about it – Amyfuss, Li, Pooker, Krysia, Val, Jodyfuss, Carpet, Joe Mundane, everyone. Well, almost everyone – it’s all good, not everyone can get to these places!

First Band – The Upstarts. Who left a McFly CD in the player? NO!! NO!! Now it’s the bastard son of the Offspring! RUN AWAY!!!! Suddenly… good song! Better vocal! A touch of rockabilly – my ears prick up and my feet make me stand up…. Then it all goes McFly again….. it’s amazing how long 45 minutes can feel. We even managed to fit in a quick trip to KFC and I swear they were playing the same song when we got back…. Very disappointing.

Then local faves Lantern – Don’t play covers in a battle of the bands, it’s fine for soundcheck but come on! You have to get through these things on your own merit boys, not on someone else’s, even if it WAS a Metallica cover. As was so rightly pointed out, when they played their own stuff (well, at least I think it was their own stuff) they sounded like a testicle-less Killswitch Engage. No identity of their own, they ploughed through riffs so familiar you could pre-empt them and the singer screeched like a seagull with its head trapped up his arse. The hoards of relations they’d brought with them hooted and hollered, as you do, but the amassed others seemed less than bothered. KFC started to sound good again. But still, they were better than The Upstarts.

And then, Inferno. I don’t mind Inferno at all - they’re earnest, they enjoy themselves and at times sound tantalisingly like Viking Skull. Better show, better performance, a dirtier sound than the previous two bands. Rather different from the last time I saw them but fair does, their 45 minutes passed quickly while they stomped and hollered around the tiny stage. They’re a band that, if someone put their CD on at a party, you’d have a dance or nod your head but you’d never really say ‘wow man, who’s this with the funky tunes.’ But they show promise – there may be gold in them thar hills….

Finally, Carpet take the stage. Bear in mind that it’s now gone midnight, and the assembled music fans have had to go through not only three previous bands but the inane twittering of the Twisted Sisters. Couldn’t make out a word of it. People are flagging now, the last train left an hour ago so these are the hardcore who have remained. I turn around form my usual front row position to see quite a substantial crowd for a pub in Colwyn Bay at midnight on Sunday with work in the morning… quick sound check and pedal plugging in (he’s got a few that John) and they kick off into a blindingly intense performance. New songs, old songs, PARTY BOY (where our beloved drummer Hargii does a special dance for the ladies – loved the thong! What is it with drummers, eh?), John leaping on speaker stacks threatening the audience with his guitar then playing it with the help of a roof beam…. All became sweat, violence, and some serious rock and roll. There was a whole lot of shaking going on in the appreciative crowd, even some enthusiastic moshing (not really practical in the space but heck, rock and roll!). Great set. As Carpet’s sound grows and evolves, so their performances become more brutal and really god damn entertaining. The other bands just seemed to stand there, playing well but with no edge, no danger, no fire in their little bellies. Carpet have all those things and more, and they thrust them into you and you fucking like it don’t you bitch…. Sorry, sorry, got a tad carried away there! But it’s TRUE! It left me feeling wrung out and strung out and ready for more. Just the way I like it!

So the boys destroy the stage and left, and at 12.45am the judging began…..

And carried on…

And dragged on and on and on…..

So we wandered out into the cool night air – we’d experienced a massive storm with what I like to term ‘Cyber-Rain’ because it’s all big and stompy. Me and the ladies draped ourselves over the Carpet mobile and soaked up some moonshine. A million years passed, and then (after a shambles of a raffle) the winners were announced….

Joint third place – Inferno and The Upstarts
Second place…. Lantern
Winners of lots of money and the opportunity to be smug bastards all night – CARPET!

As one fo the judges aptly said (I’m paraphrasing at best here)– they were real, raw, obviously loved it and deserved to win. They even got the crowd votes (I think Lantern might be removing some fans from their top 8 for that!). WINNERS!

So, joyfully, John and Hargii did a little break-dance on the stage in celebration while Julian disappeared with an appreciative young lady for some celebrating of his own….

And then it was a blur until hometime at stupid o’clock, and the not sleeping and the HOTNESS of the night……..

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‘The night was sultry’…

And now it’s Monday morning. I feel like I’m dead, yet strangely alive……

So, there you go. I’m impressed I’ve been able to write this much actually.

Right, time for food, for yet another cup of tea and to find some matchsticks to keep my eyes open….

But before I go – I love my friends, and I really mean that. I’d take a bullet for you guys…. I’d take it all the way to the garage…. :)

Dreams of June

2006-06-30T10:24:54Z

Last day of June everyone – where the fuck has this year gone to? We’re almost seven months in, it’s nearly frickin’ CRIMAS!

Time, you are so… relative.

So, the dreaming continues….

This was the dream just before I woke up.

I was wrapped very tightly in a bright blue blanket, not so tight it was uncomfortable but more swaddled, like a baby. Background music playing as before, still can’t make it out. I was lying in the middle of the floor in a big bare room – white walls, bare wood floor. I was surrounded by plain brown cardboard boxes. I was aware of someone throwing things into the boxes quite forcefully, but I felt very safe. The blue blanket turned into a blue dress, and the person throwing things into boxes came over to me and picked me up ‘Officer and a Gentleman’ style. I nestled into the person’s neck quite happily (I’m assuming it was a man, it felt like a man in my dream) and I was carried me through a seemingly endless sea of boxes to a massive box on an altar in a very old, very unusual and dark church. The person then laid me in the box and covered me up completely with the blue blanket. I was naked at this point. The box was closed over my head and I could hear it being taped up. Again, I wasn’t bothered and felt quite safe. Intense red light began shining through the box from the outside. The person opened up the box again and started filling it with paper that was covered in writing and drawings (I could see all this even though my face was covered). Other stuff went in too that I can’t remember. Then I was outside of the box. Three doors had appeared in the wall behind the church altar (Dark City style, so I’m blaming that for that element!) One was a crematorium oven door, one was a red door that said ‘Enter’ above it and the last one was black and had white writing all over it. I knew the person who’d put me in the box was trying to choose a door for me to be put into. I was still in the box, even though I was outside of the box. I saw the person walk towards the doors (person is a black person shaped shape) and stand in front of the door with writing on it. Then the person moved to the crematorium door and tried the handle. The person turned to look at the box, then back to the door and the door disappeared. The person then went back to the writing door, ignoring the ‘Enter’ door completely. I felt this need for the person to use the ‘Enter’ door but knew the writing door was just as good….

Then I woke up.

So no gore, no fires and death, but boxes and doors….. hmmm…. And this dream felt like mine as well, not like the other ones. But still foreign in a way – someone else’s emotions.

And again with the sadness…… like the faint aroma of perfume on a long forgotten dress, lingering……………

Tonight, I rock. Private gigs rock so much. Ting went to watch them rehearse last night and there are NEW SONGS that even I haven’t heard – squee! I get to spend tonight being bathed in their sonic deliciousness with fabulous company and the safety of the house around me…. I canna wait.

Oh yeah… Li and Pook – you’re coming on Sunday to the final, right? Could I get a lift with you if you’re driving pretty please? :)

Thankies…

I just ate a whole pack of Dairylea Munchables given to me by my lift. They were… interesting. I think she’s kinda adopted me as an honorary child (I’m 28!!) but that’s all good, I like it really.

God I’m hormonal.

Got a Top 24 on MySpace now without the need for stupid codes – if you go to ‘Change My Top Friends’ on there and look near the top left hand side of the screen there’s a drop down menu containing options for 12, 16, 20 and 24 friends. Nice one!

What else?

Ah, the joys of a new MSN… it’s KAGAMI (which means mirror in Japanese)…kagami@hotmail.co.uk

It’s not Keith :)

And that’s it for now… I’m off to grown a personality and play with it with my tentacles.

I thought I’d try and grow Paul Daniels….

Geekgasm!

2006-06-29T20:45:05Z

Yes, yes, I know...

http://www.visittorchwood.co.uk

I'm so excited.

I'm even writing an episode...

Hehehe!

Had an odd day at work, was very inept. Haunted by dreams but in a frightfully good mood... I treated myself to some bourbon and am watching Most Haunted. Derek Accorah is a legend, he's as fake as veggie bacon.

I've been on You Tube for ages randomly searching. I think I've watched every Damned video ever. oooh, Dave Vanian...

BOOZE!

Brain Bleed

2006-06-29T09:15:55Z

Morning…..

Fuck me; I had another horrific dream last night. Went to bed early-ish, about 11.30. My dreams all week have been pretty apocalyptic, but this one took the biscuit. This was worse than the dream about digging up the rotting corpse of Ann Robinson (?) because my can of Tango had been buried with her (stop laughing, it was awful!) and then drinking the can of Tango to find it was full of decomposing flesh and fluids…. And I got the full taste and smell experience too……

Nice, eh?

My recollections are a tad hazy, as dreams tend to be…Last night went like this…

I was packing suitcases which were coming at me on a factory line. They were all shiny and purple, those hard cases you get, and there was a seemingly never ending line of them. I was filling each one with the same pile of men’s black clothes – black t-shirt, black jeans, black boots and for some reason a handful of dark hair. When each case was packed, I was throwing them down a hole and flames would leap up when each hit the bottom. I closed my eyes for a moment in the dream, and opened them to this vast, burnt wasteland filled with skeletons (VERY Terminator 2). I could smell the barbecued flesh. I walked forward and could see my feet, which were burnt black, and my hand was skeletal. I turned around and noticed behind me everything was fine – lots of nice houses, blue skies, children playing, but in front was the burning and the death. So, I walked towards the nice place and with every step I took things burst into flames – even the children burnt.

I woke up briefly at this point with a start and had to go downstairs for a bit due to being very freaked out, and I jotted it down.

Get back in bed, close eyes, and….

I was very small, not like a mouse but like a child, and I was sitting up a tree hidden among the branches. I was extremely scared. I could hear movement on the ground below me. Suddenly, there was a intensely bright light and I was running at full pelt into a shed. I fell over, and felt hands underneath me lifting me onto a shelf. I still had this intense light in my eyes all the time and felt absolutely terrified. I could smell something vile, like old food and pubs. THEN I realised I was in a suitcase, rolled up really tightly like clothing. I knew I was being carried along somewhere. The suitcase was opened by someone I couldn’t see, who pulled me out and rung me out like a wet flannel. They threw me over the body of a dead woman covered in blood and gore lying on the floor with her face missing, and I formed around her. I stood up, and again everything burst into flames around me. I could feel myself burning as well.

THEN I woke up.

As a result, I feel like a massive sack of stinky crap today. Every sensation, taste, smell and sound was SO intensely real. I’m even itchy this morning where I was burnt! The intensity has been increasing all week…. Wonder if it’ll come to head tonight or tomorrow? I can’t seem to find a reason for them, I’m not even depressed at the moment, it’s like this channel has been opened up in my brain and I’m getting all these images that don’t even feel like mine. Every dream has contained something gross, violent or apocalyptic and has shaken me to the core. I know on reading them they probably don’t seem too bad but experiencing them is another matter entirely. The most lasting feeling I have is this sadness, all the dreams feel sad underneath all the weirdness.

But the thing is, my dreams are always intense, colourful and multi-media and my nightmares are usually very vivid but these don’t even feel like me. Does that make sense?

There’s another thing, there’s definitely background music playing through all these things, like someone has left a CD on somewhere… you know when your radio goes off in the morning and for a few seconds the song infiltrates your dreams? Like that – I tend to sleep in silence but this music is really ‘background’, like I put some tunes on before I slept…. I can’t make them out though…….

Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Perhaps I should speak to the CPN… but he always says it’s a symptom of my depression…. Hmm…..

Anyways, I’ll try and record all my dreams tonight so I can get them in here. If anyone’s any good at non-New Age dream analysis (psychology students for example) could they please give me an indicator of what they may mean?

Ah go on then, give me the New Age version as well! Why not?

Thanks!

My stomach is WELL churning today. I’m anxious – why? What on earth? OK, so I’m in debt and have no cash and hate where I live and have to put up with bouts of depression but heck, things are OK at the moment, aren’t they? It’s like I’m really worried about something I have to do…. But I don’t actually have to do anything! Or like something is wrong, that feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Odd.

Anyways, life stuff – the CARPET/MUNDANE supergroup gig at Casa Carpet is tomorrow night (BOO to you With Scissors!) (I don’t mean that by the way, I love you all really – they just couldn’t get here….. *sob*) Then it’s the final of the Battle of the Bands on Sunday 2 July in The Imperial, Colwyn Bay (COME ON CARPET!!). Then I’m off to Mother’s next week for a couple of days to chill out. Then it’s Brighton on 27 July for the weekend (with possibly a couple of gigs beforehand in Liverpool and Nottingham – woop!)… then there’s nothing really (at the moment) until the ‘Get Off The Internet Festival’ in Hendre Hall, Bangor (oh yes people, North Wales’ first proper music festival!) which has a great line-up (including my beloved Carpet) and possibly may have one of my absolutely fave bands ever headlining…. Tweep!

And then what?

Stuff… that’s what!

I’m so determined to move to Brighton. I have to be there by this time next year – I’m 30 next year for god’s sake, it’s about time I went somewhere cool to live! Hehehe! A few people have been banging on at me about settling down – settle down? I’ve been settled down for ten fucking years! LET’S GO HAVE SOME FUN! 40 is the new 30, which means I’m only actually 18 if you take that as law….. I’m too young to settle down! NO!!!

What else?

Work’s OK, bored to tears here as usual. With my fave boss leaving I’m hitting the jobs market like a bitch. Just need a tiny bit more cash to dig myself out of my hole and get some savings….

Gah, what’s wrong with my BRAIN?!?! I really feel like someone’s been in there fiddling about without my permission. I can’t string a fucking sentence together today… not like me…. Niggly weirdness abounds.

Been a while since I felt niggly weirdness.

I quite like it actually…. Hehehe…..

Hmmm……

CIRCUIT BENDING PROGRESS…. Has been put on hold waiting for the book to arrive….. I don’t’ remember as much about electronics as I thought I did! But it’s cool, I’ll be constructing my alien instruments in no time…. I like making noise. Like being vomited on by an angry digital god…. Or was that Baron Bum Blood? :)

Doctor Who looks cool for Saturday… Torchwood, possibly goodbye Rose… Oooh! GEEKGASM!

So yeah, time for a coffee…..

BOOMSHANKA!

2006-06-26T11:10:31Z

Happy Monday Everyone!!

I feel like a fucking Happy Tree Friend today, merrily going about my gleeful business with insane joy…… until some freak hurricane blows a running chainsaw into my neck…..

Anyway, good morning.

Again.

I did copious amounts of fuck all this weekend and I’m glad of it. I have CHILLED. Ahh! Watched a few DVD’s, fiddled on the internet, changed my MSN to kagami@hotmail.co.uk (that’s for messenger too, although it’s not my most used e-mail address which only the select few of you have… add me to MSN though!), customised a couple of t-shirts and went to the car boot and Sainsbury’s (CAKE!).

Ahh, everyone needs some quiet time now and again…..

and that’s with people expecting me to do things and totally disregarding the fact I have no money. It’s like, I tell them my entire situation and they all understand and everything is good… then it’s:

‘We’re going to Dublin instead of a party and want you to come’

‘I can’t afford to go to Dublin; I thought you were having a party at yours.’

SCOWLS!! GRUMBLES!!!

‘OI! You KNOW I have no money. I appreciate being asked but I can’t afford it. I won’t apologise for having no money because you all know WHY I have no money. SO put your bottom lips back where they belong and stop being so playground. If that’s what you really want to do please go and have loads of fun, it’s all good. Have one for me!’ (Which I meant and said very genuinely by the way… )

‘Sorry Jen’

‘That’s OK… what the fuck do you want to go to Dublin for anyway?’

‘Meh.’

So yeah, that told them right? It’s not just an excuse I give people, it’s really real! I’ve got Brighton coming up, a glut of Carpet gigs and Ting’s birthday – GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! I have NO CREDIT ANYMORE and am relying on what little cash I earn being a monkey slave to the man. So there! I have to PRIORITISE! Honestly, some of these fuckers earn half of what I do yet seem to have an endless supply of cash to waste… HOW?!?! Tell me your super money secrets! I pre-warned everyone – WHY do people make you feel like shit? WHY?!?!!

Or is that just my paranoia?

So anyway, that all resolved itself OK. They’ve decided that no matter where they go it won’t be the same without me. Aww!

And anyway, it was one particular person pushing events to her benefit. Again. Oh dear. Turns out all the guys really wanted was the party but she insisted on Dublin – for fucks sake, who really enjoys that? Stinky train, manky ferry, pub to pub to pub dodging hen nights and stag dos and the wandering hands of strange men before falling drunkenly back onto the ferry and throwing up all the way home. Oh YAY, that’s SO much fun! I’d much rather do that than the party where the booze is cheaper, the music better, the company infinitely more preferable and less danger of unwanted gropes (because you only get the good kind of gropes from friends!)

AND I’M HALF IRISH! Northern Irish though, Mother’s side of the family.

So maybe I shouldn’t have got so annoyed. But I got annoyed because I hate that attitude when you say no, you get the pouts and the sighs and it’s silly and childish behaviour. If they were all 20 I could understand but at their advanced ages? PLEASE!

And of course I’m also annoyed because I’m frustrated that I can’t do things I want to because I HAVE NO MONEY!!! RARRRRR!!!

I need a rich octogenarian husband with a heart condition to fuck to death and take all his cash… Aaron Spelling perhaps..

What? He’s dead already?

Bastard. :(

How old is Richard Branson now anyway? :)

Sorry, I’m over it now. Forgive me my rants!

CircuitBending – My Circuit Bending Progress – went to the car boot sale yesterday and returned home laden with things made of plastic that make sounds. I’ve got a Chicco keyboard – full keys, little ducks that change the key sounds, a dog bark button, tempo change, everything really!; I also got a jazz saxophone that plays two tunes and has seven buttons with individual sounds assigned to each and this brilliant French game with a troll that sings, shouts, whistles and counts in French when you tweak him…. I love him so! AND THEY ALL WORK! YAY! So the first one to be subjected to rewiring will be the saxophone. Sorting out the tools and got the solder… I’m rather excited. I’m saving my keyboard for when I have a bit more skill.

Watch this space…..

Ooh, I’ve got gorgeous soup (Soup, Soup Tasty Soup, Soup Spicy…) and some tiny wee wholemeal rolls for my lunch, We’re gonna take a trundle into town in a momento then come back and feast like Romans.

Possibly going to stay with Mum in a couple of weeks for the night – she’ll be all alone with Mal off on some adventure or another so I’m gonna go do her hair and keep her company for the night. Well, she is almost 66 years old ya knows…. So that’ll be two days chilling out in her massive pad in the countryside forgetting this god awful shit hole of a town…

Sorry, sorry, trying to maintain the MANIA and stuff… weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM INVINCIBLE!!!

I EAT FOOD!

I WEAR CLOTHES AND I CANNOT BE STOPPED!

Taco.

Right, I’m going away now before I have head explodey.

Touch me, I'm SICK!

2006-06-23T10:34:25Z

Friday, Yes it’s Friday..

PAY DAY!

Watch it all disappear…. Gah. It looks so nice for a few days then poof! I’m still on a massive saving mission, too many things coming up I need cash for – birthdays, Brighton, STUFF!

Ah well, at least I can eat! Woo-hoo! No more £1 pizzas for the Jen… I think it’s time for those fancy £1.50 meals from Iceland – I’m so DECADENT!!

Good morning all, my you look beautiful! Can I give you a head massage?

I do feel a bit ‘pilled up’ today (I’m not, honest!). I’m in a super-duper good mood, manic as anything, soaking up knowledge like a sponge and being over enthusiastic. I’m an invincible machine of joy and STUFF!

Watch it go…

(And the fact I know this won’t last makes me want to enjoy it even more…..)

So yeah, rather random last post. I’m somewhat fascinated by a process called CircuitBending, or Circuit Bending depending or your need for words to be singular. I read about it on some link I clicked on some random Richard Devine site. From what I’ve gathered so far, it involves the fiddling with of the circuit boards of toys that make noise (like Speak and Spell, Furby’s etc) to find ‘bends’ that make different sounds, if you catch my drift. You cut the connections and rewire them to screw with the sounds and make the toy into an instrument, making it ‘bent’.

You create alien instruments out of toys.

I’m sold. :)

I’m eyeing my Furby. You’re fucked mate, I’m gonna creep inside you like a warm kitten!

I’ve ordered the book off the Amazon. There’s solder and stuff in the flat anyway. I’m ready to go… I’ve always been a fiddler. I used to love taking things apart when I was little (a trip to A & E to have screws removed from my nose when I was about 5 due to dismantling a cuckoo clock to see how it works is testament to this… well, I had nowhere else to put the damn things!) And I loved making tunes on Music on the PS. This will become my new obsession, I can feel it…. Joy. In celebration of my new craze, Tingalinger gave me a knackered old keyboard off the car boot sale, and after a clean and some new batteries the damn thing only worked! It’s got a data bank of some seriously crazy arsed sounds and it sounds bent as it is – since when did a bassoon sound like a fire engine?

Sorry, I’m rambling. Watch this space to see what I make!

What else has been going on?

Had a lovely weekend last week at Casa Carpet. Barbecue, chats, drunken trips to the beach at 4am….. *sigh* good fun! I LOVE MY BITCHES! :)

Carpet have been gigging their skinny little rock and roll arses off lately. Last night they played a gig in Chinnerys in Southend (which I couldn’t attend due to skintness). Fan base growing…. Soon there will be world domination… soon!

Ummm… that’s about it really! The family saga of angst, depression, separation and lies continues but I’m distancing myself from it as much as I can. They’re all adults, they can sort it out. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that there’s nothing I can do. People are having light-bulb moments that I can’t help with.

But I’ve got a feeling everything will be OK. Maybe not in a Disney way, but it’ll be fine.

Trust me….

Right, twenty minutes till lunch! I’m gonna get a sammich the size of my head – YEE-HA!

kagami_eyes @ 2006-06-21T14:25:00

2006-06-21T13:25:59Z

Fantastic idea... anyone tried this out?

Rose

2006-06-15T16:23:32Z

Billie's leaving Doctor Who....

2p says she dies

1p says the Doctor goes back in time to prevent them ever meeting after she dies

£100 says I'm a fucking geek :)

Aftermath

2006-06-14T23:36:52Z

Wow, who'd have thought it? I actually DO tan a bit, but only it would seem when exposed to searing sunlight for 6 hours a day while traipsing around a massive dustbowl field at Download Festival 2006.

OK, so maybe 'tan' isn't the correct word. How about 'blister'? :)

So yeah, three days ago I arrived home from Download bruised, burnt and content. I'd enjoyed some extraordinary bands, met some amazing people, bathed in glorious relentless sunshine and had an all around brilliant time.

I'm aware this will be shit and I will most probably re-write it when I'm back in work next week. For now.....

Thursday 8 June. Arrive at Wrexham bus station with brother, Tinger and my 14 year old nephew. Found a small group of over excited teenage metalheads heading the same way. Suddenly, the press appear. They take photos of me and my brother throwing the horns. Aaron arrives all jolly and random handing our Doritos to all assembled and making my nephew laugh. Bus arrives LATE. Pile on and set off. Two hours later we arrive to an astonishingly busy Donnington park. A brief wrestle with the bags through security and we pop into the festival field like coffe beans from a civet cats arse. A vision of Japanese loveliness called Misoko rushes to us and in a voice like broken China asks us if she can camp with us as she came alone. How could we refuse? :) So, our merry band almost complete, we wind our way through the camspites... and keep winding... and winding... finally ending up about three hundred miles away in orange. But at least it was quiet. We set up our tents in the ever increasing heat of the sun. More people arrive, two gorgeous Aussie hunks, friends of Aaron, called Shane [Josh Homme!!] and Mick [dark and smily]. Bob - permanently stoned hippy type arrives and finally our home for the weekend is set up. A little commune so close to the airfield you can read the safety instructions on the wings of planes taking off.

My nephew is at this point so over excited we decide a trundle into the Village is in order. A ghost train, Gravitron, bumper cars and a whole host of other chav fairground rides I didn't go on spread out before us. Food stalls of every variety - but mostly expensive apart from the awesome organic toast and tea stall who I LOVEDED SO. Had a mooch around the clothes stall, got my nephew a couple of shirts and a cap from Retro Rebels. Marvelled at how foul the bogs were at this early stage in proceedings. All too soon the sun had set, and back to camp we strode. My nephew spent the whole night freaking out, as I expected - he's had a very safe upbringing in a very middle class household [even with all the rock and roll}. The noise was insane.

So Friday dawns and the festival begins proper. End up stuck waiting to get in for two hours. A girl fainted twice next to us in the que causing sexy Aussies to go all heroic. My nephew then started a brilliant 10000 person Mexican wave. BIG bottle fight... and we're in!

BANDS:
1 - Throwdown. My bro loves this band. I like hardcore a lot but this stuff was just noise [shit I'm getting old!] Nephew experiences first mosh and circle pit and the terrifying plea of the lead singer for 'every mother fucker at the front to turn around and run at the back'... guess who was at the back?

All was well.

Had a frozen margerita with Cuervo tequila [hic]

2 - Strapping Young Lad. Hahahahahaha. Fair does to Devin he's a funny guy. Hate your damn band. But you're funny.

Things go a tad blurry here. The sun beat down like Trevor on Little Mo. No cloud. Overcrowded water points. £2 for bottled water. Dust everywhere, so much dust I was grey all over. We ate, sat, ate, drank, popped back to the tents then came back onto the field for....

3 - Tool. Oh my god. As the sun set majesticaly to the right of the main stage Maynard took to the mike, resplendent in a white cowboy hat and blue jeans [everyone was in cowboy hats and jeans that weekend, nice]. The massive screens played the video for each song as the incantation of their music captivated the assembled masses. Detractors were hushed by the majesty of the sound. Low flying passenger planes flew directly over the stage adding to the ambience. I wanted to cry like a baby. A hungry, angry baby. It was perfect. My nephew was captivated.

We returned to the tents to a text message from my sister - me and my brother on the fucking FRONT PAGE of the local newspaper.... hehehe! Right over a story about some young family getting blown up...

Saturday - a restless night became eyeball melting heat on the Hottest Day of the Year [bastards!] Fun was had but conversation limited. Heat... tooo..... oppressive...

Bands enjoyed/tolerated included:

1 - DOWN. First band on mainstage and absolutley wonderful. I was blessed to see Dimebag play with Damage Plan on that very stage two years ago and seeing the very humble but very rock and roll Phil Anselmo radiant and rocking in the sun was extraordinary. My nephew was again captivated - he's heard so little of this kind of music. I really saw him change that weekend, from the clothes he was wearing to his attitude, to the point where he was cauing havoc, striking up conversations and actually leaving my side! He was so impressive, what an amazing human being.. we have him now! MWHAHAHAHA!

But I tangent....

2 - Devil Driver. Ah, very noisy and good fun with Mr Anselmo getting on stage with them. Very cool.

Had to miss Henry Rollins [boo!] for...

3 - Alice in Chains. Blame the heat and my hormones but I did shed a little tear. The new singer is incredible, very charismatic and powerful. The old songs sounded fresh and exciting and my nephew fell in love. Had a damn good sing along [I still have no voice!]. Brilliant. Rooster was a hilight.

I would like to point out that by this stage we had gorged on a thousand free Snickers bars handed out by beautiful and scantily clad ladies. The whole festival floor was covered with melted chocolate. I liked it :) We also experenced performers dressed as robots, demons, stormtroopers and a variety of freaks and geeks.

Popped into the Snickers bowl to watch the Legends of Skateboarding and bag some free Vans shirts.Saw the aweomse Tony Alva from Dogtown fame skate. Very cool to expereince.

4 - Korn [or Kornaroake]. Jonathan Davies has exploding vein disease so we were 'treated' to a variety of singers [including Max Cavalera] taking his place. I don't like Korn. I was eating a yorkshire pudding and had to stand still.

5 - Metallica. 'We are pleased to annouce that as it is the 20 anniversary of its release, the entire album of Master of Puppets will now be played'. Hehehe, it was awesome. Had a good sing along. My nephew air drums! Damn good fun. Encored thirty times - One was ace, lots of explosions on stage. Back to tents to scream random shit at people all night and have deep and meaningfulls with Aaron, Mike, Sahne, Bob, Mick, Ting and my nephew and brother. Misko 'not talkative, but so pretty and sweet.

At this point, I'd like to bring up the toilets. The most unpleasant shit pits I have ever encountered in my life, far worse than other times, and I've been in a few hummers. They were rarerly cleaned, the lip of the loo so close to the door there was no room to hover and the stench was so awful I threw up trying to use one. My nephew couldn't handle them at all and was reduced to using a bottle and, ingeniously, a Pringles tube in his tent. And there were no toilet or water facilitles in our camp at all. Appaling.

Then, the infamous day... RIOT SUNDAY.

Firstly, the bands.

Snickers bar fuelled lack of space riot for Viking Skull at the Snickers Bowl. Too many people. No room. Heavy Snickers bars. After the thrid one hit me we left.

Stuff stuff stuff then...

1 - The Prodigy. WHY the fuck were this band not on the mainstage? The Snickers tent was so packed people were being turned away [main stage band at the time - FFAF - yuck]. We luckily got in at the left side before the security closed it off and had tons of room. The Prodigy with a full live band hit the stage and tore the roof off. it was amazing, loud and heavy and brutal, pounding through the ground inspiring even the most navel gazing metalhead to shake their sweaty booty. Maxim came out of the tent on our side and my nephew touched him and filmed him - it made his festival. So good were they that I forgot all about...

2 - Guns and Roses [or Axl and some session musicians]. We missed three songs trying to negotiate the opressive one way system after Prodigy and turned up to... and empty stage. Sound issues apparently... like Axl's creaking, nasty voice [he was scratching his nose and tweaking and kept dissapearing. Izzy came on stage which was awesome, and Sebastian Bach joined in a great version of My Michelle but my GOD it was AWFUL. Axl was pissy, the solos were dire, Axl threatened to 'go home' if another empty bottle hit the stage. It was then I noticed small fires being started. People wearing Guns and Roses t-shirts storming out of the arena. Cops. There was violence in the air... so we wandered back to the tents.. and waited.

Soon our gang was altogether. Aaron had sustained a punch to the face during Lordi and was out of it. The Australians decied to backyard wrestle in shorts on teir tent pissing off the emos next door. All was fun - we were trading jokes with others camped around us, drinking whisky and listening to Tool. We became aware of screaming coming from below in the lower camps and witnessed a massive explosion in a lower camp. Fences had been pulled down. Tents and trees were on fire. Thefts were rife. Control toweres were being pulled down... but nowhere near us. We watched the chaos from the hill and remained safe all night. Don't get me wrong, for a bit there I was terrified. A guy jumped over a fire and someone threw on a can of gas and he was engulfed in flames. The police arrived. We ignored it and continued our revellry. Aaron healed my neck with heat rays from his hands and we talked about aliens and ghosts and him being psychic. His random gubbins was replaced by serious spiritual discussion which was awesome. And yes, he really did heal my neck. I really like that guy, my nephew adored him and his silliness and surreal banter. Misoko liked him too - hehehe. We chilled out while the festival burned below us, the sounds of planes taking off becoming soothing rumbles in the warm night air. All to the sounds of two drunken Aussies dry humping each other...

Monday morning was awful. Sudden torrential rain soaked out escape attempts. The grounds below were devastated. Everything was burnt and broken. The buses were a shambles, we couldn't find ours for ages. The trains were all delayed. i left my bag on the train but thankfully they got it for me. My hair was one big dread but I LOVE my cowboy hat, saved my life in that heat.

So now I reflect. I bonded with my nephew, saw the man he'd be and was so proud. I can't wait for him to get a little older [or older looking] so I can take him to gigs. Eighties Matchbox baby! My brother was great. Aaron was awesome. The Aussies ruled. I saw some amazing things. It was so worth it. But next time, I'm VIP. :)

And now it's all over. I'm clean again. I have no money until next Friday. I'm off work till Monday. I NEED the next adventure to come soon... Brighton on 27 July for Carpet and Tinger's 31st birthday methinks.

Now what do I do with myself? Did I miss anything good?

Happy Satan Day!

2006-06-06T10:13:45Z

666 day today - hope everyone plans to do something satanic! :)

I'm off tommorow...

Wish em luck! :)

The Pre-Festival Freak out!

2006-06-02T11:02:48Z

Hola!

I have no sense of taste or smell. Dammit. God damn stinking summer cold. Fuck you viral infection, fuck you bacterial invasion - fuck you up your stupid, spotty little single cell arses.

But as everyone keeps telling me, better now than next week… be cause this time next week I’ll be sunburned and drunk in a field surrounded by thousands of sweaty metal heads. JOY!

The depression has lifted as well and been replaced by slightly unhinged mania. I can deal with this, better to feel superhuman than feel super-shit. Better to grab life by the balls than try and choke yourself to death on them.

Bad analogy, but you get my point.

Anyway, things are groovy. Had the delightful company of Mistress Amy of Fuss, Duke John of Carpet, Lady Tinger of Confusion, Sir Julian of Bass, and Guitar Hero on Saturday night…. Followed by a fabulous breakfast on Sunday morning courtesy of Lady Amy and her stonking vodka hangover which did not prevent her from cooking up a storm. The added presence of the fabulous Mistress Lisa of Sparkles made the scrummy food taste even better! Yum, yum all around!

Then it was Bank Holiday Monday, which I don’t remember. Cause I was ILL. Yucky stinking ill…. And I’m still ill. Work’s been OK, had to go home Wednesday afternoon due to being a total fucktard because of this infection – I was bumping into walls and getting all confused. So I slept, and then watched Brokeback Mountain (WOW! Nothing like a tragic love story well told – this is not a chick flick nor is it exploitative in any way, it’s a magnificent observation of passion and real, raw love kept secret. Stolen moments and powerful emotions. Fuck that ‘gay cowboy’ shit, please see this movie. It’s stayed with me.)

Then it was Thursday, and now it’s today.

See what I did there?

So what now? Well, tomorrow I’ve been summoned to see Mother in Chester for posh lunch. Don’t think I can go – not just scraping all the pennies for next week but too much to do! Too much! But it would be nice to see her and hear all about her holiday and latest afflictions. Thing is, and I know this is going to sound awful, my sister wants to come too, and I can’t handle her at the moment. I’m staying at her house next week pre-festival and I think that’ll be enough really. Oh dear.

Sod it, I’ll go. Why not? It’ll be worth it. :)

Then Sunday will most definitely be SORT STUFF OUT DAY. My flat is a shit pit at the best of times so I want to straighten it out a bit – nothing worse than coming back from holiday to a stinky mess. I may even…. Wash up. *gulp*

I should have got that slave when I had the chance. Dammit!

And tonight, just to confuse the timeline even more, I get a haircut. No green extensions anymore (BOO!) due to retard at hairdressers so I’m going for a semi-mullet with a nice short curved fringe. Lovely. I have my stonking cowboy from hell hat anyway. My hoody should come by Monday so I’ll customize it then with my zombie prostitute patch made from a Merch Monster shirt – I can’t make clothes, but I can cut things up and stick them back together again! Got my army boots – thought I’d bought graded stock as they only cost a tenner… opened the parcel to find I’d been sent brand spanking new boots! Boots that should have cost £50! Whoop! But they’re TOO new, they look very shiny… I’m going to go down to the beach on Sunday and smash the shit out them in the sand! Good plan! Ahh, big lesbo boots – joy!

What else?

Saul Williams (who I may just go see in September in Ireland all being well) and Eagles of Death Metal – Death By Sexy (best album title…. Ever?). Obsessed I am…. But I have a leetle gossip especially of interest to my fellow Eighties Matchbox fans… there’s a new album. Oh yes, you heard me right – new. Being constructed as I type. AND there’ll be a tour, but I don’t know when yet. I’ll attempt to discover more when I see a certain band member at the end of June. Excitement!

And that is it.

How are you all by the way?

Really?

You should see a doctor about that……..

Proper Update

2006-05-23T12:59:13Z

Right, here we are then.

It’s Tuesday morning. I’m in work, sat at my big black and chrome computer. Surrounding me are myriad photos – Hurricane Festival, ponies, weddings, random goodness. Daz, my big gay boss, sits across form me giggling at a text on his phone. Fi sits next to him typing away, occasionally pausing to push her glasses up her nose. There is no Gem to my left as she’s somewhere else and I’ve missed my morning fuss because of that.

Shall I do this Great Expectations style or Irreversible style?

Irreversible it is! (Without the gratuitous rape and violence, of course)

This morning, my ride comes for me. I get in the car.

She looks like she’s on crack.

‘I haven’t slept for 24 hours’ she grins, eyes shining with psychosis. I consider getting out of the car but with a grind of gears we’re off, speeding into the morning sun.

Suddenly, she turns to me…

‘I’m a Nana!’ she cries, and all becomes clear – her son’s girlfriend had his baby this morning, she’d been at the hospital since the previous morning – no sleep, just adrenaline. A crisis and emergency cesarean later and there was a bouncing 7 pound baby girl.

Fantastic, thinks I, this is just what I need. New week, new life, and the sun finally fighting its way through the driving, relentless rain.

Things felt good.

Last night was spent on the phone to my brother – he thinks our Dad is haunting his new flat. He tells me, the situation with my sister is escalating – even my nephew thinks she’s having an affair, her husband is still suspended from his job and is still at home driving her insane. I don’t know how much more of this I can cope with, the turmoil is massive at the moment, and Download can’t come soon enough so I can get my nephew out of the house and away from all the upset. I even had my Mum in tears on the phone – nightmare.

Spent all of yesterday nursing the Hangover from Hades. My poor, alcohol sodden brain! It was so bad I had to watch the Wicker Man. :)

Sunday dawned prior to that, as days tend to do, raining like a motherfucker. I hastily pulled on my outfit – dress courtesy of mother (spotty Monsoon thingy), £4 shrug from peacocks and some well cheap red shoes. Spend twenty feckin minutes trying to pin a £1 flower in my hair. Had total panic attack and five fags. The do was originally ‘Bring a Guest’, so I was all lined up to drag Amy there for comfort, but then things changed, and I could see why when I got there. A boring church service followed, out of tune organ, elderly choir. Most of the guests were on the bride’s side (including yours truly) with a small handful of middle class snooty boots on the grooms’ side. After the horribly religious ceremony and a glut of pictures (I had to be in them – NOOOOOOOO!) we set off for the reception, which was being hosted in this massive stately home. Real, bubbly as hell pink champagne. Harpist. Tiny cases of sweet meats. Babies. Weird. The free alcohol flowed – not once did I have an empty glass in my hand. The food was divine. The surroundings exquisite. The Blues Brothers… unexpected. But fun. I also got a little stalker… well I say little, he was this finely muscled, over tanned guy from Amsterdam who just wouldn’t leave me alone! I mean, he was a nice bloke and all and I suppose rather good looking (if you fancy Bruce Wayne in the Batman cartoons….. you know, all square jawed and well suited) but he wouldn’t take a friendly hint. Well, it’s not my fault if I’m a Goddess is it? I did consider grinding my heel on his foot and telling him to fuck off, but realised he’d probably like that…. hehehe! To tell the truth, it was kinda flattering – of all the finely turned out sexy young fillies there he picked me, which did give me a certain confidence boost, but that’s all it was – no drunken toilet related shenanigans for the Jen (unless you count the sexy lesbian coercing me to take class A drugs on the floor of the super posh loos…. but this is a family show… hehehe!)

So yeah, got snogged by Elwood from the Blues Brothers, snogged the bride (as you do), got increasingly more and more drunk. Danced like a rabid monkey. Had sexy lesbian and sexy lesbian’s ex girlfriend bickering all fucking night though and guess who was right bang in the middle – everyone’s favourite karma sponge – ME! Back and forth, tears and tantrums… Christ on a bike, will I ever get any respite?

And then it was hometime – I escaped into the night in my carriage (well, someone else’s carriage). My memory is full of massive black holes still, it reminded me of the time we went to that movie premiere and just drained the damn bar dry. SO much FREE BOOZE! We worked it out – it must have cost the bride and groom about £300 per person (seriously!) to feed, water, ferry us about and entertain us which makes sense that suddenly partners were off the menu – sorry Amy!

So I didn’t spend a penny and got royally trashed. I think I enjoyed myself….. meh! I would much rather have been sitting at home watching Invader Zim and feeling sorry for myself but what ya gonna do? I do love my colleagues though, even if they are all whiny birds, they’re good friends. They’ve supported me so much lately with my depression and financial problems I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them. They’ve done so much for me, been there for me, checked up on me – wow. I’ve never felt so cared about! Real, real friends! Love you guys!

Saturday was a non-day - ate lots, watched Doctor Who, chilled out. Felt so low my chin was scraping the floor. I couldn't go out on Friday night to see Carpet in Liverpool as I had not a penny, not a one. But they know I love them - fucking hell, I've been half way around the country to see those guys, sweated blood, did their MySpace, pimped their arses off, loved them so hard.... etc, etc, I'm sure they'll forgive me missing a couple of gigs - it's not like I can go on tour with them is it? I just wish other people in my life would treat me better and realise what I do for them too without expecting a thing from them in return... ah well, can't do anything about that can I?

Anyways.....

Now what? Ah yes, depression. That’s for the next post, a nice big post on it too.

But until then, smoothie!

Gigglesome

2006-05-22T16:16:48Z

OMG!

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQgJhUrfgi0

Hot Fuzz Blog 9

Hehehe :)

Monday

2006-05-22T10:24:35Z

I feel like I've been raped by a rhino. SO much free alcohol. Add that to a socially inept me and bingo - memory erasing drunkeness. My skin is so dry this morning it's like school toilet paper.

i feel like serious shit.

I currently have no active memories of the wedding, apart from Elwood from the Blues Brothers kissing me full on 'cause I knew all the words to Minnie the Mooch.... [yes, the fucking Blues Brothers were there, didn't see that coming......]

May update later when more arrive.

UPDATE

Ahh, it's all good, fun was had-ish.

I think.

I did end up spending the majority of the evening consling various workmates, as usual. Had a bit of a dance. Bride looked fabulous darling, bling abounded. The food was, if memory serves, fan-fucking-tastic and the alcohol flowed merrily... but there was hardly a soul there. It must have cost them a fortune nonetheless.

I still feel like shit.

But at least it was free :)

Ah

2006-05-21T08:48:38Z

And it's 9.39am on Sunday morning. I'm about to enter a lukewarm shower [as it's yet another thing that's broken], then slap on my glad rags and go to that fucking wedding - whoopee! I'm not taking any dosh. I'm going to stuff food in my bag and try and smuggle out champagne and silverwear - wish me luck!

Umm... well a particularly nondescript evening was punctuated with a rather excellent Doctor Who and Lordi winning Eurovision - didn't see THAT coming! 'The prize goes to the flame spewing demons from Satan's holiday spot - Finland!'

I wish I'd watched it now, just to hear good old Terry Wogan freak out....

Oh yeah, I'm not missing a social life at all... she lies. It'd be helpful if my paranoia would go away and stop telling me all my friends hate me because I'm depressed. Nice one dude. But it'll pass.....

Off work tommorow, thank Bob - need the rest.

Again, wish me luck.

I need

2006-05-19T14:20:54Z

Someone save me, please?

No Fun....

2006-05-19T08:19:24Z

No fun my babe no fun
No fun my babe no fun
No fun to hang around
Feeling that same old way
No fun to hang around
Freaked out for another day
No fun my babe no fun
No fun my babe no fun
No fun to be around
Walking by myself
No fun to be alone
In love with nobody else
Well maybe go out maybe stay home
maybe call Mom on the telephone
Well come on, well come on,
well come on..........

For Rabid Joss Whedon fans

2006-05-17T16:58:16Z

Yes, I am sad and extremley geeky - watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLyuTU26sDk

:)

Wonder Showzen

2006-05-15T12:27:24Z

Kids Show
Kids Show
Oh My God
It's a Kids Show..

But it's not you know....

I like a lot.... :)

PS - The Libertine is actually bollocks, but Johnny Depp is such a fucking amazing actor I watched the whole thing slack-jawed. (You do need a good head for flowery, unecessary Shakespearian-ish language....)(and I don't mean a film about that hopeless indie tosspot Doherty - this is about the fucking, drinking, bawdy poetry writing hundreds of years old punk the Earl of Rochester, baby. Suck that and like it! He pisses syphalitic wee-wee all over talentless junkie man!

PPS - I am owning Guitar Hero to the point of boredom - self imposed hermitry makes this happen. I'm so glad I don't online game or I'd just dissapear into virtuality... is that a word? Meh.

PPPS - Lisa my beautiful tulip, I take it it's still pinstripe rubber for the Vegas ceremony eh? :) YAY! it's going to be super duper fun!

PPPPS - The wedding is Sunday. I go alone. I fear. I have no suitable shoes.....

Exam Day

2006-05-10T16:44:32Z

Today was.... THE EXAMINATIONS!!!!!! MWHAHAHAHA!

9.30-11.30 IT

2.00-4.00 The Management of Financial Information

First exam - did it in 25 minutes - MEGA BRAIN!!
Second Exam - still frantically scribbling at 4pm! Nightmare!

Interlude - went for a scone the size of my face with Sarah who has garlic breath.

Sleep pre-exam - 4 hours

Feel now - bleah

Last assingment mark - high distinction :)

Those who sent me good luck wishes, I thank you immensley. Keep on keeping those fingers crossed for me....

And now it's over.

Thank Bob! YEE-HA!

And Download has a special place where there'll be burlesque shows and angle grinders and Lucifire and gladiator jousting and Laser Quest and massages and zombies and stuff....

Yay...

SO tired.

Did you know if it wasn't for a guy called Jacquard who invented a punch card for looms there may very well have been no computers at all?

Ooooh!

Knee Trembler

2006-05-08T14:21:09Z

Woof.

Right, super-duper quick update of the weekend of joy..

* brother arrives Friday. Guitar Hero now so battered the keys are broken.
* mass food, alcohol and drug consumption
* HUGH!! HUGH!! Yay!
* Blues night - Christen! YAY! [and lots of free double JD and coke]
* dancing, talking, drinking fun
* For once , I was the first to pass out. I have no memory after getting in the taxi.
* Illness
* Monday

OK, OK, I realise the JOY is not evident from this post. But there was joy, even through a god awful butt kicking soul eating stomach destroying hangover that meant I missed out on a barbecure and some Pooker *sob*.

In lieu of a bigger post to be typed post-exams on Wednesday, I'd like to thank the academy and the following people:

David, for giggles, more giggles and good chats
Tinger, for being messenger boy when I couldn't move and keeping me safe when I was a drunken fool
Lisa, for giggles, good chats and shaking that fine booty in my love areas :)
Amy, for giggles, gorgous shoes and yet more giggles
John, for a really intense ten minute conversation that I can't remember and being a rock star
Krysia, for giggles and general life enthusiasm
Christen and his big brown eyes, for giggles, free drinks, damn fine conversation, enthusiasm for Tom Waits and his mate for the same
Hugh, for reappearing and making the five year gap since I last saw him close up as quickly as a wound on Wolverine
Hargii and Julian for them just being them
The Morris Clan for everything

If I left you out, blame Jack Daniels!

Love you

Exams Wednesday - good karma to the Jen please!

Silent Hill is great.

That's it.....

This Entry Brought To You By Repeatedly Mentioning Johnny Depp

2006-05-05T11:05:47Z

Ahh, I have a nasty weed hangover today. Eeek – it’s making me get all narky about stuff I’m trying to be apathetic about and that I really don’t want to have an opinion on

(Most) English people are retarded (not you Pooker, you rock).

There, I’ve said it!

I’m proud to be Welsh today you know, I really am.

OK, OK, maybe I was harsh calling the English retards… but surely it’s better to hang onto Labour in elections like these if you won’t consider voting for Emperor Ming and his band of unruly Liberals? Why on EARTH would ANYONE with half a functioning brain and a conscience want the fucking Conservatives back in? Does no-one remember what they did to this country last time? I’m only 28 but I certainly fucking remember – my Dad was a coal miner until all the trouble in the early 80’s - at one point we were so poor we didn’t have shoes. Seriously! The country was in such a god damn mess…. and guess what fucktards – THEY’LL DO IT AGAIN! Say bye-bye NHS for a start. Oh my GOD, I fear the next general election you know…. Here’s a suggestion, how about familiarising yourself with party policy BEFORE voting eh? I KNOW Labour are a bag of shitty spanners but they’re STILL better than the Conservatives! ARRRRGHHHHH! Vote for the Lib Dems and give this country a frickin’ chance would you?

Heck, if you’re gonna vote Conservative, why not go the whole hog and vote BNP like so many idiots did? Go get a swastika tattooed on your chest and burn some crosses in people’s gardens too while you’re at it… ah fuck it, not that it matters, they’re all the god damn same anyways.

On days like these I’m SO glad I’m Welsh you know. :)

Did I say that already?

Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi, Gwlad beirdd a chantorion, enwogion o fri; Ei gwrol ryfelwyr, gwladgarwyr tra mâd, Tros ryddid gollasant eu gwaed. :)

AND the BBC are spending well over £200million on telling people about the switch from analogue TV to digital. A switch that we’ll have to fund out of our own pockets along with the inflated license fee….

Hang on a mo…. £200million eh? Here’s a radical thought – instead of spending that on a stupid advertising campaign voiced by Captain Annoying Fuck himself Matt *one joke* Lucas, how about using that cash to buy everyone in Britain who doesn’t already have one a set top digital box? What are they, £40 each (I think that’s how much mine cost anyway)? That money would buy 5million of them…. And that’s what people want, free stuff not information. Just free stuff.

Oh yeah, that’s another thing – OPEN LETTER TO YOU (name withheld). U weet wie u bent. Ik ben niet bij uw wenk en vraag, niet meer. Waar u uw nooit beëindigende levering van contant geld van ik krijgt weet niet het maar ik BEN SKINT en ik LIG niet en om eerlijk te zijn wens ik u niet of vind uw bedrijf plezierig meer. Ik ben droevig als dat aanpast uw plannen niet maar u schroeft, doe ik zodat doet veel voor andere mensen en niemand ooit om het even wat ooit bij allen voor me. U bent vrij gelukkig om al uw crap op me te dumpen maar als ik u ooit wens, ver*deelt u en geeft uit geen shit in zones onder. EN u zegt dingen wanneer u wordt gedronken en wanneer u u verandert uw mening gematigd bent en als ik probeer en hen u bespreek krijg pissed weg met me. Ik ben ZIEK en VERMOEID van u. Zo FUCK WEG! U weet niet hoe gelukkig u bent. Akte zoals een fucking volwassene, omdat u één nu of u van het houdt of bent en uw stomme, kinderachtige gecentreerd zelf bullshit niet met me meer zo daar zal wassen. Ik weet u waarschijnlijk nooit dit zult lezen maar u zult mijn houding ten opzichte van u verandering zien - let op me einde gevend een shit. Probeer me, volgende zo tijd u een schouder om nodig hebt te schreeuwen en u zult vinden mijn schouders van grenzen zijn. Let op mijn ogenglans over, let op me verandering het onderwerp en realiseer dat zonder me u NIEMAND!!! hebt ik hoop karma u met liefde en geluk zegent maar u zuigt de vreugde uit me GEEN MEER! Ik heb het beste deel van mijn leven aan mensen als u besteed en het is tijd u zich regelde.

God I hate things sometimes.

I played Guitar Hero till my little finger fell off last night – seriously, the damn thing is just there looking all zombified at a weird angle

DEVIL FINGER!!

It’s that blue button, Goddamit. I’ve mastered green, red and yellow on the fret but BLUE… has anyone actually seen my little finger? It’s pointless, so small and weak and unused….

Then came the dreams… oh the dirty, filthy dreaming… the gay Barbie doll downstairs was describing to me her weekend exploits with an equally Barbie-licious girlfriend yesterday lunchtime.

In detail.

Guess what I dreamt of last night? Hehehe! I was the honey in their premium white bread sandwich.

*sigh*

SO yeah, stuff and things. I’m still horrendously skint. Download is now a mere month away, and we have another jolly pirate joining us – Tinger’s cousin Aaron. Should be interesting! The stages are bollocks this year; they’re actually putting bands on in the Snickers bowl! So what? I hear you chant… well, I really want to enjoy two of the bands they’re putting in there without having to sit down and peer through the wheels of flying skateboards and BMX’s to see them (that would be Viking Skull and Gay for Johnny Depp). Dammit. Four stages is pretty cool though, and the unsigned bands stage on the campsite on Thursday will be cool…. I’m banning myself from the Download message boards as well because all the silly little Kerrangutangs make me want to kill.

‘wat da fook r Tool doong hedlinin da Fri? Lyk thy suck and r not as gud as Green day or HIM’

DIE!! DIE YOU FUCKTARD! RARARARARAR! Oh my GOD, is this what the world is coming too?

Or am I just getting old?

Hmmm……

So yeah, have all essential tools now – a Swiss Army knife that has a knife, spoon, fork and spork on it – yay! A light to strap around my head for late night toilet visits (I’m actually thinking of stitching it to my cowboy hat…. Johnny Depp was wearing the same scarf as I have around my hat you know), a massive trekking-up-a-mountain backpack that absolutely everything fits into and even me at 5’ tall and being all girly can carry safely upon my spine.

Now all I need to do is make some CD’s… (and buy some Kandoo)

Excited! :)

Ummm…. I have The Libertine (no, not Doherty, the talentless little junkie) sitting at home waiting for me to watch it. Johnny Depp as Rochester shagging himself into an early grave – fabulous. I watched the first few minutes to check the quality and there he is, looking as beautiful as ever, telling the viewer that you’ll hate him by the end of the movie, but you’ll go off and shag anyway…. Marvelous.

Sorry, I’m well horny. It’s the weather, it’s making my neurons fire off love bullets down my spine into my groin…….and as Gem keeps pointing out – the biological clock is ticking. TICK TOCK, rather loud really….

Sunshine, you fill me with such wicked desires……

Ahh, Daz just made me croissants – nummy! I’ve hardly eaten again the past few days again, I need reminding to do these things. I’m doing a bit of elastic band therapy this week as well to help me with stress – I get narked, I ping the damn band as hard as I can against my skin. Not as effective as I’d like but it sure beats my forearm and a blunt kitchen knife making acquaintance…. It’s mostly hormonal though so it’s all good.

What else? What else? Nowt really. I’m looking forward to seeing my brother this weekend, I do miss him. He never puts any demands on me and we always have a laugh. I need more people like that in my life.

Phew, well knackered, all self inflicted of course! Housework took forever as well – got in at 5.30 and sat down at 8.30 AND I hadn’t even got round to washing up! DAMN I need a slave. I need a grateful slave. I need a slave to pay me for the privilege of doing my dishes.

If only I had the room!

OWW! Just sneezed so hard I felt something detach inside my skull.

Exams next week at college. Sod it, I’ve done so well on my assignments I’m sure I’ll pass – cross those fingers for me!

Watched about fifteen minutes of The Craft last night before my brain couldn’t take it anymore.

That ain’t magick, I’LL show you some REAL magick……. :)

Right, I go away. But I’ll be BACK…..

PS – want a really depressing afternoon? Check out MyDeathSpace.com and see how young, beautiful, and popular people die just like you and me (well, mostly in car crashes actually).

PPS - Johnny Depp. Just to round things off.

Ciao!